just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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