I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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