The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's the barista slut.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
