We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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