Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
