Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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