walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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