Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
