i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
