I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
