Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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