I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I pour the whiskey from now on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
