I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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