What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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