when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
