i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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