my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
