Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
