So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
