...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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