he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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