dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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