so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
