Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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