i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
