CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize