Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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