Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
