I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
