all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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