we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
