he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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