You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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