well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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