Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
