He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
