i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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