Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My vagina just clenched in fear
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
