the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
