the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
