And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
