I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
