You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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