FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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