While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
