she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
