so explain again why im purple
no
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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