At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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