New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
