im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
