her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
