She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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