Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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