I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
