I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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