His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wish there were birth control emojis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i need some magic done to my vagina
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
