girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
