Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
