Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
