Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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