I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
