i'm signing you up for texting rehab
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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