How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
