Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Alive.
So much puke
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
