Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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