I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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