my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
two words...techno handjob
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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