the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
