Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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