ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
