I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
