If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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