I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
