i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm like, not good at living.
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