how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's never too late to be topless.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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