I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had sex on a roof
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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