she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
