fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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