Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
