Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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