How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
