Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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