I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Duck Duck Cougar?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
