I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
