Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
