Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
