Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
