I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
