This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize