His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
