Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
