But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
