Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
