1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize