And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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